


10 simple ways to relieve stress

by candymin



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Anxiety, Blow Jobs, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Humor, Light Angst, M/M, Making Out, Mutual Pining, Roommates, donghyuck is always right, jaemin is a sweetheart, like... a lot of making out, procrastination: the fic, renjun is very stressed and anxious and honestly same
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:20:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29436690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/candymin/pseuds/candymin
Summary: Renjun tries to get a grip.Okay, so he just sucked his crush slash platonic roommate’s dick. Big deal. It’s not like this will completely alter the course of their friendship. People do that all the time and they turn out fine!He tries to not let the fact that he’s currently cuddling Jaemin get to him. That’s a problem for another day.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Comments: 33
Kudos: 305





	10 simple ways to relieve stress

**Author's Note:**

> hello hello!  
> this fic was born out of my constant stress over final exams and there's honestly not that much plot,,, i just wanted an excuse to write renmin being disgustingly in love with each other and making out lol
> 
> i'm planning on making this a series so there may or may not be a markhyuck on the way hehe  
> also this is not beta read, we die like my braincells  
> enjoy!!~

_Maybe Donghyuck was right_ is the only thought passing through Renjun’s mind as he’s watching Jisung flee to the bathroom, tears streaming down his face after Renjun’s rather… startling outburst. Trouble sleeping, nail biting, headaches, and now making innocent freshmen cry because of a wrong coffee order? Yeah, the stress was really starting to get to him. 

But can you blame him? Between finals coming up in a few weeks and a deadline in three days for his thesis draft — currently bearing exactly thirteen words and the tag _opened three weeks ago_ — Renjun is quite simply losing his grip on his mental faculties in his effort to graduate one. Which means it’s justified, okay? 

Renjun sighs, painfully aware that even _he_ can’t stoop as low as to excuse his rude behaviour by using his deadlines when he deliberately procrastinated throughout the prior few weeks. Damn Past Renjun for having faith in him! 

He’s pulled out of his reverie when someone bumps into him, forcing him to resume his initial plan of walking to the university library for his afternoon study session. He drags his feet sluggishly, shoulders slumped forward by a combination of fatigue and the guilt weighing in his stomach. Even the door seems heavier today, he thinks as his unusually weak arms take their sweet time opening it. He stops in his tracks when his eyes find Chenle’s, who is currently seated at a desk, patting a pouting Jisung on the back. Chenle glares at him and drags his thumb across his neck in a throat slashing gesture. Renjun gulps and decides he can study at the apartment for today. 

On the way home, he thinks of possible stress relieving methods and as his brain draws a blank, he fishes his phone out of his back pocket to seek advice.

**[injunnie]**

**you were right**

**[hyuckie]**

**ur gonna have to be more specific**

**im always right**

**[injunnie]**

**i need to relax**

**made jisung cry earlier**

**[hyuckie]**

**:0**

**you monster!!!!!!**

**whatever pushed u to such horrors??**

**[injunnie]**

**…**

**he brought me black coffee instead of my usual**

**[hyuckie]**

**…….i cannot be associated with u anymore**

**i hope u understand**

**[injunnie]**

**:(((**

**i’ll apologise tomorrow**

**[hyuckie]**

**you mean u didnt already??????**

**double monster!!!**

**[injunnie]**

**got scared by chenle**

**[hyuckie]**

**understandable**

**[injunnie]**

**anyway abt my stress problem**

**any advice??**

**[hyuckie]**

**hmmmmm**

**dunno!**

**try google maybe?**

And that’s exactly what he does. Immediately upon arriving, he plops down on his living room couch and opens his laptop, because _surely_ he can afford a little more procrastination if it means he’s essentially working towards becoming a better person, right?

He opens up a new tab, types in _how to relieve stress_ and proceeds to click on the first article that pops up entitled _10 Simple Ways to Relieve Stress._

Number one: Drink tea. Renjun curls his top lip. This won’t do. He’s a firm believer in the power of caffeine over some hot leaf juice. 

Number two: Talk to a friend. He is instantly reminded that Donghyuck’s only comforting strategy involves showing Renjun obscure memes. He shakes his head. 

Number three: Talk yourself through it. Renjun scoffs. If there’s one person he trusts less than his best friend, that’s himself. He briefly wonders what that might say about him. 

“Whatcha doin’?” Jaemin asks upon emerging from his bedroom. 

“Reading about how to relieve stress,” he mumbles, scrunching his nose at Number four: Exercise.

Jaemin snorts from where he’s pouring himself some tea in their open-plan kitchen. To be fair, he _does_ look pretty chill all the time, Renjun thinks. Maybe the article is onto something.

“Oh, can I check my inbox on your laptop real quick? I’m supposed to be getting some test results,” Jaemin explains just as the doorbell rings. 

“Yeah, sure,” Renjun replies, getting up to receive his takeout. 

He sits back down in a matter of minutes, this time with a steaming cup of tteokbokki in one hand and his roommate’s right knee bumping into his own on their tiny two-seater couch. 

“You’re pretty stressed, huh?” Jaemin asks with an amused smile and Renjun tilts his head to see he’s reading the article. He suddenly feels silly.

“Uh, yeah? I guess I am,” he concludes with a nervous chuckle, deciding to leave out the details of making Jisung cry. He doesn’t need Jaemin to think he’s a bad person, too. 

“This list seems pretty good. I could help you with it if you wanted. I’m kinda stressed myself these days,” Jaemin says, placing the laptop next to Renjun on the couch. “Just let me know,” he shoots a small smile and vanishes behind his bedroom door. 

Help? Renjun lifts an eyebrow in confusion. There was hardly anything in the article that Renjun couldn’t achieve on his own. He sets the food aside and grabs his laptop before realising Jaemin was probably referring to the _Talk to a friend_ option and it suddenly makes sense. He goes to read where he left off and his entire life flashes before his eyes when they fall on the last number.

Number 10: Make out with someone. 

_This list seems pretty good. I could help you with it if you wanted._

Renjun’s head starts spinning.

\---

Renjun is, quite simply, devastated. It’s a good thing Jaemin went out with his friend Jeno, because Renjun is now free to express his internal panic and pace around the living room at an inhuman speed without raising suspicion. 

His head is starting to heat up from how fast the gears are spinning and he’s almost sure there’s a red spot where his right hand has been perpetually rubbing at his chin for the last few hours. All in vain too, because despite sending a dozen hysterical messages to Donghyuck and gobbling down 2 liters of water, neither did Renjun come to a satisfying conclusion, nor did his panic subside. 

He sits back down on the couch and lifts a hand to fan his face. He’s overthinking, that much is clear. There’s no way Jaemin meant anything with what he said. He probably didn’t even get to read the entire list. 

He breathes out forcefully. Yeah. He most definitely was referring to the second option. But what if he wasn’t? Had Jaemin offered to… 

A blush creeps up Renjun’s neck at the implications. He shakes his head vigorously. 

“You’re overreacting,” he whispers to himself just as the front door opens to reveal a slumped Jaemin. 

Renjun hurriedly pats his cheeks to get rid of any incriminatory evidence. He leans back on the couch and stretches his arms as if he was just taking a break from writing his thesis. A clown, this one. 

Jaemin sighs heavily upon entering the living room. “Did you eat dinner? I bought some fried squid and vegetables if you wanna share.” 

“I had some leftovers earlier,” Renjun informs him.

Jaemin hums as he plops down next to him, placing the food bag on the coffee table. “Can I? Are you still writing?” he asks, motioning with his hand towards the TV.

“Yeah, go ahead, I’m just taking a break,” Renjun replies, eyes drilling a hole in the carpet. 

He has half a mind to just ask Jaemin to clarify his intentions. That way he won’t stay up all night tossing and turning, or waiting for Donghyuck to reply to his texts. The thesis stress is already making him lose sleep, he doesn’t need to add another reason to that pile. 

Sure, he’ll probably make a fool of himself, but Jaemin has already witnessed more of Renjun’s lows than he’d be willing to admit in the last year or so, ever since they agreed to split the rent. Renjun shudders at a distant memory of him throwing up in their toilet bowl after a party gone wrong, Jaemin silently kneeling next to him with a glass of water in his hands. 

His train of thought is interrupted when Jaemin lets out another sigh, eyes glued to his phone screen. He brings a hand to rub at his neck and Renjun suppresses a pout when he notices his frown. 

“Everything okay?” Renjun asks before he can stop himself.

Jaemin seems startled, as if he’d completely forgotten Renjun was next to him, despite the way their knees are touching. 

“Hm? Ah, yeah, it’s just this group project’s been killing me. Yangyang dropped out last minute and Jeno and I have to figure out how to divide his tasks between the rest of us.”

Renjun hums in understanding. “Can I help you with anything?” 

Jaemin honest to god giggles and Renjun has to pretend he didn’t just hear an angel choir. 

“Nah. But thanks,” he turns to look at Renjun and his smile drops, brows furrowing in concern. “You should take a break for the night, you seem exhausted. I hope you’re not overworking yourself for this deadline.”

Renjun’s heart swells and his hand flies up to fix his likely messed-up-from-overthinking hair. 

Jaemin’s gaze lingers, washing over Renjun’s appearance and making him feel terribly self-conscious as he stares right back. Jaemin looks tired too, pale winter skin adorned with the beginning of two black circles, yet his beauty still shines through with the way his eyes glint and the corners of his mouth lift up ever-so-slightly to form that watery smile Renjun loves so much. 

Renjun thinks his brain short-circuited at this point, because there is no other explanation for the words that leave his mouth next:

“Did you wanna make out?” 

“What?”

“What?” 

Jaemin lets out a clear laugh. “Like, now?” he asks, like it’s the most casual thing ever.

“No! I meant when you—” Renjun suddenly feels out of breath. “You offered! Did you? Wanna make out?” 

Jaemin chuckles. “Oh. Well, do _you_ wanna make out?” 

A loud thudding fills Renjun’s ears. _What?_

“Like, to relieve stress? You’re talking about that article, right?” Jaemin asks, knee absentmindedly bumping into Renjun’s. 

“Yeah. The article,” he deadpans, fixing his gaze on Jaemin’s eyebrows. They look pretty good, he thinks. You know, for some eyebrows.

“Cool. Well, yeah, I’m down if you’re down, I guess,” Jaemin says, again, so casually that it almost feels like this isn’t the first time he’s offering his roommate a platonic make out session. 

“Oh,” is all Renjun manages, trying to wrap his head around Jaemin’s lack of reluctance to kiss him. He fails.

“Do you feel stressed right now?” Jaemin asks after a beat of silence.

“Yeah. Yeah, I do,” Renjun replies, zeroing in on Jaemin’s nose this time. A pretty cute nose, if you ask him.

“And do you wanna make out now?” 

Renjun is certain his heart stops. “Yeah,” he breathes out without thinking about it, because apparently that’s a thing he’s doing now. Jaemin chuckles in response.

He leans in slowly, stopping just a couple inches shy of Renjun’s face, eyes scanning for movement, for a sign that he might want to back out. Renjun stills and then there’s soft lips pressing against his own, and his first thought is how incredibly unfair it is that on top of everything, Jaemin has the softest, plumpest lips even in the middle of winter and exam season. 

The second thought, however, is less of a thought and more of a string of incomprehensible screeches as Jaemin’s lips start moving against his own. 

The kiss is gentle, shy almost, but then Jaemin brings a hand to Renjun’s jaw to adjust the angle and when he sighs into his lips, Renjun grows impatient. He blindly pushes forward, bumping into Jaemin’s thigh in their awkward position sitting next to each other on the couch. 

_This won’t do_ , he thinks before grabbing hold of Jaemin’s shoulders and climbing over to sit on his lap. Jaemin makes a surprised noise at that, but his hands find their way to Renjun’s waist nonetheless. 

Renjun’s hands fly up to Jaemin’s hair and _oh my god_ , what kind of shampoo does this guy use for his hair to feel like it’s literally made of silk? He shrugs it off and decides to focus on the way Jaemin’s tongue swipes at his bottom lip. Renjun parts his lips and deepens the kiss, fingers involuntarily tugging at Jaemin’s hair. It elicits a soft moan and Renjun matches it when Jaemin’s mouth trails off along his jaw and down his neck, before sucking lightly above the hem of his shirt. A deep sigh escapes Renjun’s lips as Jaemin’s hot breath ghosts against the sensitive skin of his throat. 

By the time they finish, Jaemin’s long forgotten food lies cold on the coffee table. 

\---

Renjun absentmindedly caresses his sides as memories of Jaemin’s hands gripping his waist find their way to the front of his mind. Jaemin’s hands, which were cradling his head, brushing against his neck, running up and down his thighs and back not even 24 hours ago. Had Jaemin enjoyed it? Was Renjun the only one replaying the sequence over and over again? 

“Hello? Why are you spacing out? I was saying something important,” Renjun is startled out of his thoughts when Donghyuck shakes his hand before his face. 

“Oh, sorry. What was it?”

“Are you okay? You’re crazy red,” Donghyuck comments, pushing his laptop aside to have a better view of Renjun’s flushed face. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Renjun mutters as he pats down his face, the lack of conviction in his words resulting in an eyebrow twitch from his best friend.

“What happened?” 

Renjun looks around cautiously before leaning in across the library table. 

“Jaemin and I made a deal to make out whenever we feel stressed.” 

To his name, Donghyuck tries his best to suppress what would have been a loud gasp, though the strained sound he let out still alerted the librarian, who was now sending them a silent warning through her ice-cold glare. 

“You did what??” Donghyuck hisses, opening up a thick book to shield them from the other students. “Does he know you have a raging crush on him?” 

Renjun frowns. “I don’t have a crush on him.”

“Right,” his friend deadpans with a comically unimpressed gaze. “Let me rephrase that. Do _you_ know you have a raging crush on him?” 

“I _don’t_ have a crush on him,” Renjun repeats, crossing his arms against his chest. 

“Oh yeah? You sure about that? Because last time I checked, gushing about your roommate’s, and I quote, _perfect face and amazing personality that just makes you want to reach out and hold his hand for as long as he’ll let you_ isn’t a very platonic thing to do!”

Renjun’s eyes widen. That does sound like something he would say, but he’ll be dead before he gives Donghyuck the satisfaction. “What? I did not say that. You have no proof.” 

“Oh but you did. Three weeks ago when we were playing that mario kart drinking game and you kept losing. I just never told you because I knew the embarrassment would kill you.”

Renjun’s frown somehow gets deeper, denial quick to appear on his tongue. He settles for a diversion instead. 

“You cheated at that game.”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes half-heartedly. “You know I didn’t. And you know I won’t let this subject pass.” 

Renjun purses his lips. He damns himself for choosing his friends based on their intellect. His life would have been decidedly easier if Donghyuck were dumb.

He sighs and relents. Retreating is a strategy in itself. “Okay, fine. Maybe, hypothetically speaking, I wouldn’t totally hate it if Jaemin and I were romantically involved. Happy?”

Donghyuck smiles. “Much. Now tell me about this deal,” he props his chin on his hands, looking far more entertained than Renjun would approve of.

“Honestly, it’s kind of your fault! I read an article about how to relieve stress and turns out one of the methods is to make out with someone! And then Jaemin saw the article and well… one thing led to another and we made out,” Renjun confesses, already feeling his cheeks heat up at the memory.

Donghyuck tilts his head like a puppy. “That’s it? You made out because of a dumb article? Sounds like a pretext to me.”

“It’s not! Really,” Renjun sighs. “What do I do?”

Donghyuck rubs his chin. “You want the good advice or the stupid advice?”

“The good advice. Why is that even a question?”

“You’ll see in a second,” Donghyuck chuckles. “I think you should tell him you have feelings for him.”

“Abort. The stupid advice, please.” 

Donghyuck lets out a laugh. “Okay, well. Did the make out session do its thing? Did you feel more relaxed?”

Renjun narrows his eyes. Hm. Besides not being able to get a wink of sleep due to the nausea in his stomach, he did feel pretty relaxed, especially this morning. 

“I suppose I did, yes.”

“Well, then. Go for it.”

“Huh? _Go for it_?”

“Yeah,” Donghyuck drags out with a lopsided smile. “You’re both getting something out of it, right? Just try not to fantasize about marrying him too much and it should be fine. Technically. Probably not. It’s the stupid advice for a reason.”

Renjun leans back in the chair, weighing his options. He looks deep inside his soul in search for an answer and finds that in the dark corner where there should be his common sense now sits a vaguely familiar, somewhat savage creature. _Sexual arousal._

He pinches the bridge of his nose, deciding he will take a decision later today. But first, the thesis.

\---

Renjun cracks open one eye, startled by a distant clinking sound. He looks down at himself — splayed out on the living room couch and covered by a foreign blanket — and realises he must have fallen asleep in the middle of writing. He hears another clinking sound and then Jaemin makes his way towards the couch. 

“Oh, hey sleepyhead. Did I wake you up?” he asks in a hushed voice, as if Renjun was still asleep. “Sorry, I was just making dinner.”

“What are you making?” Renjun asks, ears perking up at the promise of warm food. 

A wide grin spreads across Jaemin’s lips at Renjun’s excitement. _Cute_. 

“Bibimbap! Do you wanna eat here or at the table?”

“Here, please,” Renjun pleads, brain still somewhat numb with drowsiness.

“How was your day?” Jaemin asks as soon as he settles on the couch, food bowl in one hand and remote control in the other as he scrolls through the Netflix home page.

“It was alright. I managed to get some writing done, so I think I’ll be able to turn in my first draft until Thursday,” Renjun replies, mouth watering at the sight of his own bowl.

“Look at you go!” Jaemin says, making Renjun’s heart double in size. “Wait, does this mean you’ll be out late tomorrow?”

“Most likely, yeah.”

Jaemin hums and starts on his food after finally choosing a show. “Okay. How does hot pot sound for dinner, then?” 

Renjun pauses. It wasn’t unusual for Jaemin to cook dinner whenever Renjun was stuck at the library — coming home to a full plate and a lighthearted scolding about neglecting his meals has become somewhat of a habit for Renjun in the past few months — but something about the concept of his roommate offering to make his favourite food like it’s nothing momentarily sends Renjun’s heart into overdrive. 

“Yeah,” he croaks out, hoping Jaemin is too engrossed in his show to notice the strain in his voice. “That sounds great.”

He risks a glance. Jaemin nods distractedly, eyes wide, fixed on the TV. Donghyuck’s words suddenly ring through Renjun’s mind. 

_gushing about your roommate’s, and I quote,_ perfect face and amazing personality that just makes you want to reach out and hold his hand for as long as he’ll let you _isn’t a very platonic thing to do!_

He was right. But how could it ever be platonic? How could Renjun’s feelings be anything but romantic when there is love in everything Jaemin does? When there is kindness in his every smile and grace in his every movement? How could Renjun _not_ fall for him when every word, every glance Jaemin sends his way is etched with so much warmth and understanding, and when being considerate is like second nature to him? 

He draws in a wavering breath. Donghyuck was right, and as Renjun stares down at his food in an attempt to distract himself from the way Jaemin’s shoulder keeps brushing against his own with every burst of laughter, he hopes his decision won’t come back to bite him in the ass. 

\---

It comes back to bite him in the ass a mere week later, in Jaemin’s bed, after Renjun hinted at the pressure he’s been feeling because of his upcoming team project presentation. 

They’ve already made out five times since they started the deal — not that Renjun is counting — but that still doesn’t prepare him for the way Jaemin’s hand trails down to knead at his inner thigh. He sighs contently in response and buries his hands deeper in Jaemin’s hair, tugging to hear that low moan he’s grown accustomed to. 

Renjun breaks the kiss to catch his breath and Jaemin blindly chases him, leaning forward to reconnect their lips and circle a hand around his waist. Renjun chuckles softly, kissing back with increasing fever and running his hand down Jaemin’s toned arm. 

He pushes him lightly, so that he’s leaning back against the pillows, and moves further up his thighs, displeased with the amount of distance between them, even in his straddling stance. Jaemin brings a hand to cup his neck, angling it to the side as he dives down to bite lightly, leaving trails of goosebumps in his wake. Renjun lets out a gasped moan in response, sliding forward to feel him closer. He presses their bodies flush together at the same time Jaemin trails upwards to mouth at his jaw and they both pause. 

Renjun’s mouth runs dry when he realises just _what_ he managed to sit on. His eyes widen as the awareness sends a jolt of arousal straight to his own dick, but Jaemin must have misinterpreted his reaction, what with the way he’s scrambling to apologise. 

“Junnie, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” he rambles, big, pleading eyes staring into Renjun’s. “It’s just… we’ve been making out for a while I guess and I lost track of time, it just happened—”

Renjun leans in to trap his pouty lips into a kiss. He places his hands on Jaemin’s shoulders and grinds down to test the waters. It elicits a _hot_ , guttural sound and by the power of the adrenaline surging in Renjun’s veins, he breaks away to ask something he never thought he’d have the courage to:

“Jaemin. Can I suck you off?” 

Jaemin draws in a sharp breath, pupils blown wide. He swallows hard. “What? Renjun, you don’t have to do that, I know we only agreed on making out—”

“I want to,” Renjun breathes out without hesitation, heart staggering in his throat. “Can I?” he repeats, and Jaemin gives him the faintest of nods. 

It’s enough for Renjun, who pushes himself off Jaemin’s thighs to settle between them instead. He drags his hand up his leg slowly, hovering over his crotch before palming him through his sweatpants. Jaemin drops his head back with a sigh and Renjun takes it as a sign and pushes himself up to mouth at his bulge. It’s fully hard now, and the thought of having it against his tongue makes his own growing bulge twitch. He wastes no more time before sliding down his pants and wrapping his lips around the tip of his cock, giving it an experimental lick.

“Fuck,” Jaemin grunts, hungry eyes meeting Renjun’s through his lashes. 

He takes him in slowly, relishing in the soft whimpers that fill the room. He tastes salty and a tad bitter, but Renjun finds that he doesn’t mind, even more so, he finds himself swallowing around him as he makes an effort to reach the base, warm precum dripping down his throat. 

Tears well up in the corners of his eyes as he drops his head down and then back up, and down again with an increasing pace. Jaemin tangles his fingers in Renjun’s hair, who lets out a muffled groan, shifting slightly to grip his thighs better and allow for a wider angle. This time, when he slides down, the tip of his cock hits the back of Renjun’s throat and the loud, uninhibited moan Jaemin lets out is nothing short of heavenly, so Renjun does it again. And again, and again, until Jaemin is spluttering a string of warnings.

“Shit, Renjun, if you don’t stop I’m gonna— Ah, fuck, I’m gonna come!” 

His thighs clench one last time, trembling slightly as he spills inside Renjun’s mouth with a shuddering gasp. Renjun sits up straight and licks his lips to get rid of any lingering drops, making eye contact with Jaemin the entire time. Jaemin who’s now looking at him through hooded eyes, chest heaving up and down, the beginning of a dazed smile gracing his lips. He opens his arms and before Renjun can think about it, he darts forward, allowing himself to relax in Jaemin’s embrace. 

“Wow. That was… Wow,” Jaemin comments, pulling Renjun to his chest and wrapping an arm around his waist. His hand slides under the hem of his hoodie, gently caressing his naked skin.

“I’m glad,” Renjun replies, the reality of what just happened slowly dawning on him. _What the fuck just happened?_

Jaemin stifles a yawn, his eyes dropping shut just as Renjun’s grow wider, panic slowly stealing the warmth from his body. He tries to get a grip. Okay, so he just sucked his crush slash platonic roommate’s dick. Big deal. It’s not like this will completely alter the course of their friendship. People do that all the time and they turn out fine! He tries to not let the fact that he’s currently cuddling Jaemin get to him. That’s a problem for another day. 

But then Jaemin hooks a finger under his chin to plant a languid kiss on his lips and suddenly he forgets. Renjun focuses on the way Jaemin’s tongue licks inside his mouth, his grip tightening on his waist, left hand travelling down his chest before he shifts to hover above him. He slides his hand under Renjun’s hoodie, pressing it flat against his stomach, effectively sending his heart into a frenzy. Jaemin pulls away from the kiss, teeth grazing his earlobe just as a finger slips under Renjun’s waistband.

“Can I return the favour?” he whispers, sending a shiver down Renjun’s spine. 

The panic returns, and despite having almost all his blood in the lower half of his body, Renjun leans back into the pillow. 

“I’m actually feeling kinda hungry.”

Jaemin tilts his head with a giggle. 

“Okay, should I heat up some leftovers?”

“Yes, please.”

Jaemin nods and pats Renjun’s knee before exiting the bedroom, leaving him alone with a throbbing boner and increasingly intrusive thoughts. 

Yeah. Renjun is _fucked_.

\---

“And it’s like… fine, you don’t wanna do this task, I get it, but you should have told me at the fucking beginning instead of leaving me to take care of everything literally _one day_ before the deadline,” Donghyuck scoffs, bringing the coffee to his lips. “God, what an asshole.”

“I sucked Jaemin’s dick last night,” Renjun blurts out and Donghyuck chokes.

“Are you trying to kill me?!” he whisper-yells after a couple of awkward coughs. 

The librarian tsks them. 

“Sorry.” 

“What even happened??” Donghyuck asks in an outraged tone.

“I don’t know what came over me! One second, we’re making out like usual, you know, nothing too heated, and then I accidentally sat on his dick and the next thing I knew, I was going down on him!” he pauses to catch his breath. “Some greater power took over, it was like I wanted nothing more than to suck him dry, I swear! I think I got possessed,” he glances down at his hands in embarrassment. “Wouldn’t mind doing that again, though,” he declares sheepishly, purposely deciding to leave out the details of their mini cuddle session. 

“Okay, TMI!” Donghyuck warns, eyebrows drawn together in shock. “How did he react?”

“Well, he… came.” 

“Good for him,” Donghyuck deadpans with a scornful glare. “I meant after that! You just broke one of the rules, this is huge.”

“We didn’t make any rules, though.”

“Well, yeah, but there were some underlying conditions. By agreeing to only make out, you practically excluded everything else, like blowjobs and sex.”

Renjun recoils at the last mention. “I don’t think that’s how it works.” 

Donghyuck shrugs. “Maybe not. But it’s still dangerous,” he takes a sip of his coffee. “Don’t forget you have a crush on him, Junnie. You’re walking on thin ice.” 

“Well if this doesn’t make me feel so much better,” Renjun mocks, earning another shrug.

“I’m just looking out for you. Anyway, other than the blowjob, how are you getting along? Isn’t it awkward now that you’re, you know… intimate?” he asks, flipping a page on his textbook as if he’d been studying all along. 

Renjun takes a moment to ponder. “Not really? It’s kinda awkward when we initiate the making out, naturally, but besides that, everything is normal. He’s still his usual perfect self,” he concludes, cheeks heating up at the confession. 

Donghyuck lets out an airy laugh. “Damn, you’re whipped.”

Renjun squints, deciding to stand his ground for once. “Oh, yeah? How’s that crush on Mark going for ya?”

It provokes the desired reaction as Donghyuck doubles over, clutching his stomach like he’s just been shot. “...low blow,” he complains, face constricted with fake pain. 

“But speaking of,” Donghyuck recovers, sitting up straight. “There’s a game this Friday. Can I count on you to be there? I’m trying to figure out whether Mark likes me back and I need an outside perspective. You can bring your lover boy, too.”

Renjun glares at him half-heartedly. “Yeah, I’ll be there. And I won’t be bringing Jaemin. He’ll likely be there anyway since Jeno’s on the team.” 

“Oh, bet,” Donghyuck concludes, turning back to his book. 

Renjun does the same, noting down several quotes, fingers flying across the laptop keyboard with a motivation he hasn’t seen in weeks. He stops for a second and notices the skin around his nails is no longer sore from stress-biting. 

“ _I wouldn’t mind doing that again, though_?” Donghyuck drawls with a smirk, and it takes Renjun a minute to realise he’s repeating his words from earlier. 

He drops his head in shame. “To be fair! It was a lot more stress-relieving than just making out. That’s the whole point of this thing!” 

Donghyuck throws his head back with a cackle, earning another sharp glare from the librarian. “No kiddin’,” he shifts his attention back to his work and Renjun smiles as a warm wave of affection hits him. 

\---

“God. Look at him,” Donghyuck shakes his head incredulously upon entering the gym. “He’s so hot.”

Renjun follows his gaze to none other than Mark Lee, dribbling a basketball across the court. 

“Remind me why you haven’t asked him out yet? You’ve _only_ been pining for three years,” Renjun comments sarcastically. 

“Because I don’t know if he likes me back.”

“Here’s an idea… you could ask him.”

“Look who’s talking,” Donghyuck scoffs. “And no. I don’t wanna fuck this up.”

“Strange. That thought didn’t stop you when you asked Sungchan out,” Renjun pushes, purposely ignoring his allusion. “Or everyone else before him.”

“Yeah, well, this isn’t just anybody, okay? This is Mark. Now shut up and listen to me,” he sits down on the bleachers, motioning for Renjun to do the same. He complies. “Your job is simple. You just have to watch us interact and see if he likes me.” 

Renjun twitches an eyebrow. “And how on earth could I determine that?” 

“I don’t know. See if he looks at me when I’m not looking, or if his eyes linger on my lips yearningly when I talk. Shit like that.” 

“Right. Sounds simple enough,” Renjun comments in an even tone as Donghyuck’s gaze turns back to where his crush is practising.

The gym slowly fills up with people and Renjun is _definitely not_ scanning the incoming crowd to find a certain someone. Nope. Not at all. But if his breath hitches when his eyes finally fall over a smiling Jaemin, no one has to know. He sheepishly lifts a hand and Jaemin does a little wave, walking towards him to claim his seat next to Renjun. 

Except he doesn’t get to.

“Hyung!” Jisung seemingly materialises out of thin air in front of Renjun. “Hi! Didn’t think I’d see you here, you don’t strike me as the type to like basketball! Not that I’m not happy to see you, of course, it was just an observation. I sure hope we’re gonna win today, Chenle’s finally playing after being suspended for slashing Mrs. Kim’s tyres, is this seat taken?” he asks, and before Renjun can properly process everything he just said, he sits down. 

A frown finds its way to Renjun’s forehead and he opens his mouth to ask him to move, but then he spots Chenle glaring at him from the court and he closes it. He throws Jaemin an apologetic stare and the boy waves him off, sitting down a few seats away. 

Renjun pouts, not unlike a 5-year old. 

“Hey, Donghyuck hyung!” Jisung greets, earning a fist bump. “You look great, by the way!” he says, turning his attention back to Renjun. “Last time I saw you this close, you had _huge_ black circles. Not to mention the whole… murderous glare.” 

“Ah, yes. Sorry again about that,” Renjun scratches the back of his head. 

“Oh, don’t worry about it, all is forgiven. I’m just glad to see you’re happier.”

Renjun tilts his head in confusion. Is he happier? Huh.

“Hyuck, can I ask you something?” 

“Can it wait? The game is about to start,” Donghyuck replies, gaze glued less to the game and more to a certain someone. 

Renjun huffs defeatedly, crossing his arms against his chest. 

He tries to pay attention to the game, he really does, but as it turns out, watching a bunch of sweaty boys run around with a ball is a lot less interesting than thinking about the boy currently sitting four seats away to his right. 

And for the first time in a few weeks, Renjun lets his mind wander. He thinks about Jaemin’s arms around him, his hands gripping his waist and trailing down slowly to brush over his ass and the inside of his thighs. He thinks about Jaemin’s hot breath ghosting over his neck, smirking into his skin as Renjun hovers over his lap. He thinks about the sounds he’d make if Renjun properly sat down on his lap and found a rhythm to roll his hips to — loud, shameless moans breaking out of his chest as Renjun presses his lips to the underside of his jaw, mercilessly biting and sucking a dark bruise. He thinks about being spooned, Jaemin’s tongue pressed flat against his nape and trailing down his back, a sneaky hand sliding to Renjun’s stomach and making him arch his back to meet his crotch. 

The thoughts stop when he feels his cock twitch, at the same time someone from the home team scores a basket. 

The people around him stand up to cheer and Renjun instinctively looks to his right. Even with the crowd roaring, he still hears his heartbeat speed up as he discovers Jaemin’s eyes on him. They stare at each other for a couple of minutes, with Jaemin only breaking it to look down and, soon enough, Renjun’s phone vibrates in his pocket.

**[jaemin]**

**whats up**

**everything good?**

**[injun]**

**yeah**

He debates it for a few seconds, before finally pressing send.

**[injun]**

**i’m actually feeling kinda stressed**

Jaemin blinks. Once, twice. A shiver runs down Renjun’s spine. Oh, no. He fucked up. He fucked up and now Jaemin is gonna think he’s too demanding and he’s gonna ask him to move out and Renjun loves Donghyuck like a brother, but he would _die_ if he had to share an apartment with him after finding out his definition of clean is vacuuming once every three months and making carpets out of dirty socks and sweaty shirts. 

Oh well. There’s nothing he can do now. All is lost. He might as well ask Donghyuck when he’s free to help him move his things, although perhaps there is still a chance Renjun can flee the country and submit his thesis online. Surely. These are modern times, and there’s what, six or seven months left until he graduates? His teacher would be understanding, right? It’s a solid reason, after all. 

His plans to search for a plane ticket back to China die as soon as his phone vibrates in his hand. 

**[jaemin]**

**lockers?**

\---

Renjun closes the door silently and turns to face Jaemin, who was now stepping towards him, heavy breathing betraying his otherwise collected look. He stops in his tracks a couple of feet away from Renjun, pinning him down with his intense stare. Jaemin’s eyebrow twitches ever so slightly before they both lurch forward, mouths crashing against each other in a hungry kiss. It’s messy and their teeth clash a couple of times and the force with which they both push forward in their frenzied attempt to taste more should be painful, but Renjun finds that he _loves_ it. Their hands wander, cupping cheeks and gripping waists, sneaking under layers of clothing and trailing upwards, brushing against sensitive skin and eliciting obscene sounds. Renjun grabs a fistful of his shirt and Jaemin pushes him against the door, bodies pressed together as if trying to become one. 

“Are you sure no one— no one’s gonna come in here?” Renjun asks, muffled between kisses.

Jaemin laughs into his mouth. “Well, someone might,” he drawls, rolling his hips against him to make a point. 

Renjun groans at the friction, hands flying out of Jaemin’s hair to pull his hips back in. “No, but really.”

“We have about twenty minutes until halftime,” he replies in a low tone next to his ear, and if Renjun thought he couldn’t possibly get more aroused, he’s proven wrong. “Let’s make it count.” 

Renjun responds with another hip roll and Jaemin gasps before diving down to nip at the side of his neck. He starts just under his jaw, one hand moving down his chest slowly before stopping above his belt. Renjun thinks he hears some question, but it translates into an indecipherable mess in his buzzing brain. He must have said something in reply too, because now Jaemin stopped kissing at the bottom of his neck and started focusing on unbuckling Renjun’s belt and sliding down his jeans. Renjun drops his head back against the door at the same time as Jaemin drops to his knees. 

\--- 

“ _This_ was your idea of a fun hangout?” Renjun curls his lip in disgust upon seeing the university gym building. On a Saturday, of all days. Preposterous. 

Donghyuck levels him with a judging look. “Like you have room to complain. You ditched your best friend for a make out session!” 

“A make out session _and_ a blowjob,” Renjun corrects him.

“You weakling,” Donghyuck sighs, pushing open the door to the locker room and setting down his backpack. 

A fleeting image of what transpired against that very door a mere week ago makes its way to the front of Renjun’s mind and he suppresses a shudder. 

“You don’t even like basketball,” Renjun argues as he changes into his more sports appropriate outfit.

“And? Mark likes it and I like Mark. That’s close enough. I _like-in-law_ basketball.” 

Renjun shakes his head silently, because even _he_ doesn’t have the energy to deal with whatever that means at 10am on a Saturday. 

“Well, _I_ don’t like basketball,” he mutters in annoyance. 

“And _I_ don’t care. You owe me one. I spend enough time hearing unwanted details about your sexual life as it is, the least you could do is help me figure out what the hell goes on in Mark’s head.”

Renjun opens his mouth to retaliate before deciding his friend is right. It doesn’t stop the desire to annoy him, though.

“He fingered me yesterday.”

“Oh dude, c’mon, I literally _just_ had breakfast,” Donghyuck seethes as they both get up, having finished changing. 

They go to the gym and a slightly sweaty Mark greets them with his signature wide grin from where he’s been shooting baskets. Renjun watches as Donghyuck stops in his tracks, face lighting up and shoulders untensing, and he briefly wonders if the same lovestruck expression is visible on his own face when he looks at Jaemin. 

“Look at him,” Donghyuck whispers, almost inaudibly, and with a great deal of affection. “Alright,” he clears his throat. “Remember the plan. And no talk about fingering!” he warns, gesturing with his index finger. 

Renjun laughs. “Gotcha. Hey, Mark! You’ll never guess what Jaemin and I did yesterday—” he teases, earning a halfhearted shove. 

They play a game of 1 to 2, seeing as Mark already has more basketball knowledge and experience than both Donghyuck and Renjun combined. Unsurprisingly, they lose, but with the way Donghyuck accidentally — or was it? Renjun wouldn’t put it past him to stage an accident if it meant achieving his goal — tripped and landed in Mark’s arms in slow-motion, Renjun still counts it as a win. 

On the way home, Renjun’s mind drifts to a certain someone and a distant realisation that he doesn’t quite want to accept yet nags at him. Is it getting out of hand? Could there be a happy ending when Renjun has been harbouring romantic feelings for more than a year now, while Jaemin is only in it for the pleasure? It burns in his chest — the possibility of an _ending_ — and despite the glaring warning lights, he pushes it down and suppresses it until he’ll be forced to deal it with again. He’s always had a penchant for leaving the most difficult tasks up to Future Renjun, after all. 

He punches in the code to the apartment and a thick warmth envelops him. 

“Junnie? Back already?” 

The corners of Renjun’s mouth curl into an involuntary smile as Jaemin approaches him. There’s a large red stain on his apron just above his stomach and his light brown bangs are kept in place by what looks like a pink heart hairpin. _Cute._

“I’m making pasta for lunch. What do you think of the sauce?” he asks, stepping closer and bringing a wooden spoon to Renjun’s lips. 

Jaemin tilts his head like a cat at the lack of response. “Mm? More salt?”

He’s looking at him with that soft, watery smile and he’s so close, not the closest they’ve ever been, no, but it still does wonders to Renjun’s heart as it stutters in his throat and renders him speechless, unable to utter a word, lest he make the mistake of uncovering the truth behind his burning feelings. 

“No,” Renjun croaks out, and Jaemin’s smile widens just a little bit, and it burns. It burns in his stomach, it burns between his ribs with a fire so wild and spirited that Renjun is sure there’s less blood running through his veins than is the blazing concoction of his anxiety and affection. He stares at Jaemin’s impossibly sparkly eyes and sends an apology in advance to his future self. “It’s perfect.” 

\---

The problem with leaving the difficult tasks up to Future Renjun is that Future Renjun is, quite shockingly, still Renjun. And sometimes it works out, since procrastinating gives him time to get accustomed to the idea of completing the task, so Future Renjun ends up getting it done fairly quickly and painlessly! More often than not, however, it ends with Future Renjun cursing his past version and being forced to spend winter break in Korea in order to complete the first third of his thesis without being the subject of his younger cousins’ shenanigans and his drunk aunt’s pesky boyfriend questions. 

And it’s not even that bad, really. Renjun spends the first three days in blissful silence and even manages to get some work done, which is a pleasant surprise considering he started missing Jaemin the second he walked out the door. 

Still, the real dilemma arises during the fourth day, on Christmas Eve, when after scrubbing down the entire apartment and finishing up his uni tasks, Renjun finds he is extremely bored. And upon being shot down by his best friend — who is currently _battling demon siblings and helping mum make rice cake_ — and after careful consideration, Renjun decides to text Jaemin. 

**[injun]**

**sup**

_Sup_ ? Renjun sighs defeatedly at his lack of social skills when it comes to his crush and plops down on the couch to binge-watch Jaemin’s newest favourite show. Yeah, he’s _that_ whipped. 

Three episodes and a full Regé-Jean Page Wikipedia reading later and his phone chimes. 

**[jaemin]**

**sup junnie~**

**everything okay at home?**

**[injun]**

**yeah, just super bored lol**

**i also kinda missed you**

“Oh god, why did I say that,” Renjun hisses to himself, suddenly feeling like he’s 16 again. 

His finger hovers over the _read 9:03pm_ indicator and he’s debating sending a _jk_ for damage control. Lame, he knows, but it somehow feels less lame than telling your platonic roommate slash friend with benefits that you miss him after he’s been gone for only four days. 

He doesn’t get to a conclusion, because his phone lights up with a call. 

“Hello?”

 _“Injunnie! Sorry, I had to sneak out from family game night,”_ Jaemin chuckles.

“Oh, I didn’t mean to steal you away. You can go back.”

 _“Nah, it’s okay, we were losing anyway. I think mum had one too many eggnogs,”_ he lets out a breathy giggle and Renjun cries a little on the inside. _“How are you? Did you eat?”_

“Yeah, I did. I started watching that show you’re obsessed with.”

_“Oh, nice! See? I told you it’s not awful!”_

“I didn’t call it awful.” 

_“You said it’s just another boring show full of shallow rich people!”_

“Okay, I take it back. It’s an interesting show full of shallow rich people.”

Jaemin laughs. _“That’s more like it!”_

They stay silent for a few seconds and Renjun finds himself wishing Jaemin were next to him for the thousandth time this week.

 _“Tell me about your family,”_ Jaemin breaks the silence.

“My family?”

_“Yeah. What do you usually do around Christmas?”_

And so Renjun told him about his mother’s famous lemon tart that she keeps on making on Christmas Eve despite knowing full well it never lives to see the second day. He told him about his cousins and that one time they locked him out on the balcony after telling him there’s a stray cat there. He told him about the food, about his father’s legendary streak of charades wins and his infamous aunt who dropped the tray of spring rolls two years ago. He also recalled the unpleasant memories, and Jaemin laughed with him and went on to recount his own family mishaps. 

They ended up speaking for three hours, and if Renjun wasn’t already sure he is in love with Jaemin, the confirmation came less than 24 hours later in the form of a freezing red-nosed boy standing in the doorway with a giant food bag and an even bigger grin. 

“Merry Christmas!” 

“What are you doing here?” Renjun finally breathes out after what feels like an eternity of staring.

“Oh, come on. I couldn’t let you spend Christmas all alone, could I?” Jaemin replies with a playful smile. “You gonna let me in now? I brought you Christmas dinner!”

\---

“Yeah, and then my uncle slipped on the spilled coffee and almost landed on my cat, but thankfully his boyfriend caught him just in time, or else he would have probably broken his hip again. On Christmas day. _Again,_ ” Jaemin concludes with a shrug. “So there you have it, that was my week.”

“Wow, I can’t believe all of that happened in what, five days? Talk about chaos.”

“Believe or not, this is what I call tame,” he chuckles, getting up from his stool to dump the dishes in the sink.

“Thank you for the meal, by the way. Your dad’s cooking is fantastic.”

“Oh, almost forgot! I also bought this,” Jaemin says, turning back to the breakfast bar and placing a box in front of Renjun. “I know it’s not quite the same, but I figured it’s better than nothing.”

Renjun quirks an eyebrow and opens the box to see a familiar yellow desert.

“You got me a lemon tart?” Renjun whispers, voice surprisingly steady despite the way his heart is galloping. 

“Yeah. I didn’t really know what else to get you,” he says, voice unsure, and Renjun revels in the unprecedented image of a bashful Jaemin. 

He looks unfairly cute and tiny — even though he’s still a couple inches taller than Renjun in his standing stance next to his stool — and Renjun wants to kiss him. 

And so he does just that. He grabs at the front of his hoodie and gently guides their lips together without a second thought.

At first, Jaemin yelps in surprise, but then he’s kissing back, one hand resting on Renjun’s cheek, the other coming down to press against the counter behind him. Renjun kisses him slowly, almost achingly slowly, and his flaming desire to pull him closer and undress him right then and there is only held together by some kind of mysterious higher power. A power of which all the semblance is lost when Jaemin sucks Renjun’s bottom lip between his teeth, all the while smirking into the kiss. 

Renjun takes it as a sign and pulls him closer by the hips, deepening the kiss. Jaemin stumbles slightly from the force of the movement, both hands now landing on the counter behind Renjun and effectively caging him in. It’s a lot more desperate now as Renjun’s hand wanders to the front of his jeans, palming down lightly and Jaemin bites back a moan. 

“I want you,” Renjun mutters against his lips.

“Fuck, Renjun. Are you sure about this?” Jaemin whispers, breath hot and heavy next to his ear. 

Renjun wraps his legs around his waist, pressing himself to his crotch. “As sure as I’ll ever be.”

There’s a low groan and then Renjun is being pulled up and blindly carried in the direction of the nearest bedroom. 

Jaemin lays him down gently, breaking the kiss just enough to tug his hoodie off, before he’s hovering above him and slotting their lips back together. Renjun lets his hands roam over his naked torso, fingernails scratching light marks across his back whenever Jaemin grinds down a little harder. 

He loves it like this, with Jaemin’s tongue desperately licking inside his mouth and trailing down across his neck like he just can’t get enough of tasting him, but the heat pooling in his stomach is becoming unbearable, so he tries his best to string together enough letters to utter a shaky _please_. 

And Jaemin gets it, so he leans back to slide out of his jeans and help Renjun get undressed, seemingly so caught up in his own arousal that he forgets to tease Renjun for always being so impatient. It’s a welcome change, and Renjun would probably feel delighted if there was any chance for him to focus on anything other than the warm, lubed up finger circling around his hole. 

Renjun shuts his eyes closed when Jaemin pushes it in until the base knuckle, settling on a slow rhythm. After he feels himself ease up, Renjun silently nods and Jaemin adds a second one, working them in gently and spreading Renjun’s legs a little further apart for more comfort. 

Renjun lets out a string of hushed whimpers and he vaguely registers Jaemin littering his shoulder and chest with kisses before he opens his eyes to face him in all his flushed cheeks and spit slicked lips glory. 

“Still good?” Jaemin asks, a look of concern on his features. 

“More,” is all Renjun can reply, voice hoarse and breaking. 

Jaemin complies with a chuckle, his momentarily warm eyes darkening as soon as Renjun’s breath hitches from the pressure of a third finger. 

“You’re doing so good for me,” Jaemin breathes out with a kiss against his temple. “You’re so good.”

It’s hot and Renjun feels stuffy as he takes a deep breath to allow himself to be stretched out. Jaemin is now pressing a peck to his cheek and Renjun catches his lips in a kiss just as a broken whine is forced out of him when Jaemin hits his prostate.

“Oh, fuck! Jaemin. Fuck me, please. _Please_ ,” he pleads and Jaemin dips down to his stomach to lap at the small puddle of precum after dragging out his fingers.

Renjun barely has time to miss the contact before Jaemin is aligning his slicked up cock to his entrance. He grips Renjun’s hips, lifting him off the mattress ever so slightly as he pushes in, all the way until he bottoms out. 

“Shit. Baby, you feel amazing,” Jaemin grunts as he’s slowly pulling out and pushing back in with a steady, lazy pace. 

It’s electrifying, the way Jaemin holds his hips in place with one hand, the other kneading at Renjun’s thigh a little harsher. He fills him up completely with every easy thrust, but Renjun is aching for more and he pleads for a faster pace. A high pitched cry breaks out of his chest when Jaemin respects his wish, his grip on Renjun’s hips almost slipping from the way his entire body rocks with every thrust. It’s nothing short of heavenly, and Renjun feels his eyes roll into the back of his head from the constant pressure against his prostate.

“Jaem,” he slurs, causing him to slow down. “Wanna ride you.” 

“Fuck,” Jaemin curses, his movement coming to a stop. “Then ride me, baby.”

He lies down on his back and Renjun straddles him, newfound angle allowing for a deeper reach. Renjun cries out as he sinks down again and again, thighs trembling and grip on Jaemin’s legs faltering before Jaemin sits up and circles a hand around his waist to hold him in place. His lips are parted in his panting and his dark, glassy eyes are staring into Renjun’s like it’s the first time he’s seeing him.

“You’re so beautiful, Junnie,” he lets out, almost inaudible, and Renjun digs his fingers into his shoulder when Jaemin wraps a hand around his neglected cock, stroking it loosely in time with every sink. 

“I’m close,” Renjun manages, still staring into his eyes. He cards a trembling hand through Jaemin’s damp hair to brush it away from his forehead.

“Me too,” Jaemin warns, and soon enough Renjun finishes in his hand, head thrown back as Jaemin spills inside him with a guttural moan. 

“Talk about stress relief,” Jaemin jokes after a few minutes of catching his breath. 

Renjun turns his head slightly from where he’s lying on his back next to him. There’s a dazed smile on Jaemin’s swollen lips and Renjun distantly thinks he has never seen a more beautiful person in his life. The realisation sits heavy in his chest this time, less of a fleeting thought at the back of his head and more of an anchor tying him down to the bed of the ocean: Renjun is hopelessly, irretrievably in love with Jaemin.

“Yeah. Stress relief.”

\---

It’s a couple of days later when Renjun first notices the steadily growing snowball rolling down the hill before him at an excessive speed. It’s past midnight and he’s lying down in Jaemin’s bed, the younger having gone to take a shower, which is already telling enough without even accounting for the palpable aftermath of the evening, currently sitting in the form of many used tissues in Jaemin’s bin. 

And Renjun feels as blissful as the next guy, naturally, yet the sleepy smile gracing his features is swiftly knocked off his face when Jaemin’s phone lights up with a text next to him. 

**[jen]**

**lololol**

**maybe he has a crush on you lmao**

Renjun stills. What are the odds Jeno’s talking about him? Has Renjun been so obvious with his feelings? And more importantly, what would Jaemin do if he found out? 

**[jen]**

**you should do sth about it dude**

**its not okay to keep going w this deal thing**

Well shit, here we go again. Renjun is spiraling. It’s a good thing his post orgasms (yeah, multiple) brain is mushed beyond thinking, or else Jaemin would come out of the shower to a fidgety, internal-panic-ridden Renjun and yeah, that’s not a good look. Anxiety still manages to creep in though, so Renjun grabs his phone for an emergency text. 

He starts with the facts.

**[injunnie]**

**so jaemin and i fucked**

**[hyuckie]**

**u have GOT to stop telling me these things!!!!!**

**[injunnie]**

**you told me to keep you posted!!!**

**[hyuckie]**

**yeah, about the FEELINGS part**

**i dont care what else yall get down to**

**[injunnie]**

**fine**

**anyway, its bad**

**i think jaemin knows**

**[hyuckie]**

**oh? why is it bad**

**[injunnie]**

**i think he wants to end it**

**[hyuckie]**

**what makes u think that**

**[injunnie]**

**saw a text on his phone**

**idk**

**[hyuckie]**

**u seem rather calm about it**

**[injunnie]**

**well yeah, i came like 3 times**

**i can barely type rn**

**[hyuckie]**

**oh my god i hate you**

**listen**

**im coming back tomorrow**

**i’ll text chenle and jisung and we can have a movie night before uni starts**

**we’ll talk it out okay?**

**just.. call me if u start freaking out tomorrow**

**and try not to do anything stupid**

**[injunnie]**

**yeah okay, sounds good**

**thanks hyuck**

**[hyuckie]**

**of course**

**see u tmr**

_Okay, maybe this isn’t so bad_. Renjun sighs in relief and his breathing slows down to a normal rate. It’s short lived though, as his heart rate immediately picks up again when Jaemin steps into the bedroom, all damp hair and naked torso and a smile that could move mountains. 

“Still here?” Jaemin chuckles at Renjun’s still form.

“I can’t move,” he replies, and it’s true. He used up the last of his power to slide back into his underwear and put on a dubious shirt off Jaemin’s floor. 

Jaemin bites back a laugh and crawls into bed next to him. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

Renjun rolls his eyes, mouth already opening to spit out a comeback, but then Jaemin snuggles up to him so that his chest is pressed against Renjun’s back and yeah, okay, it makes sense, since Jaemin’s full size bed couldn’t possibly house the two of them without some form of personal space breaching. Saving space and possibly sharing body heat. It’s the middle of winter after all. That’s all there is to it, Renjun tries to remind himself. It still does nothing to calm down his heart when Jaemin wraps an arm around his waist and slots their legs together. 

“This shirt needs a wash,” Jaemin whispers against Renjun’s nape. Yeah, okay. This is _fine._

“You shouldn’t keep your dirty laundry in your bedroom, then,” he tries to argue, but it comes out weak as Jaemin nuzzles his neck. Renjun gulps. He’s _fine._

“It was on the floor,” Jaemin mumbles, barely audible as it’s clear he’s drifting off. 

“You’re right. I should get rid of our laundry baskets, since we do have a floor.”

This time, when Jaemin reacts — a sleepy, low and charming laugh that reverberates through Renjun’s body — he admits it. The snowball is a mere thousand feet away. 

Jaemin shifts slightly and his lips brush against the back of Renjun’s ear. “Goodnight, Injun-ah.” 

“‘Night, Jaem,” Renjun breathes out in response.

Sometime during the night, Renjun finds Jaemin’s hand and intertwines their fingers. 

\---

“I just think Rachel McAdams is overrated,” Chenle shrugs, popping some popcorn in his mouth.

“Oh, boy, here we go again,” Donghyuck sighs defeatedly, getting up from the couch as soon as an outraged gasp escapes Jisung’s mouth.

“How dare you. Between The Notebook, Wedding Crashers, About Time, Mean Girls and Game Night, she’s literally an all-rounder. An ace. And that’s not even half her filmography. If anything, she’s underrated!” Jisung scoffs, stealing the popcorn bowl from Chenle’s lap.

“ _Please_ . Mean Girls? Yeah, I’ll give you that. But the rest of it is just subpar rom-coms and some other subpar thrillers. I literally only found out she was in Southpaw when I was reading the credits. _That’s_ how uninteresting she was.”

“Oh, you did _not_ just call her uninteresting…”

“I’m sorry, what’s happening?” Mark whispers, leaning towards Renjun.

“They do this every movie night. Either their taste is really _that_ different, or Chenle just likes riling him up. It’s been 6 years and I still haven’t figured it out,” Renjun explains, watching over the bickering duo with an unimpressed gaze. 

“Are they dating or something?” 

Renjun glances at them again. They seem to have abandoned rational arguments in favour of a game of thumb war. Renjun sighs. 

“Yes. But I don’t think either of them knows yet.” 

“Sounds like someone else I know,” Donghyuck returns, plopping down on the couch between them with a bowl of pretzels. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Renjun asks, narrowing his eyes.

“Oh, absolutely nothing. How are things with Jaemin?” 

He decides to let it slide. “Well, last night he spooned me to sleep.”

“I thought I told you to stop telling me— wait what?! You cuddled?” Donghyuck turns to look at him, jaw wide open.

“Yeah. I held his hand and everything.” 

“...ouch.”

“Yeah.”

“You really like him, huh?”

Renjun breaks the eye contact, suddenly feelings exposed. “I think that’s a major understatement,” he whispers, more to himself.

“So what’re you gonna do about it?”

“Nothing, I guess. I’ll just wait for him to break the deal. It’s only a matter of time, now that he probably knows how I feel,” he says with a bitter chuckle.

“Junnie,” Donghyuck sighs, forcing Renjun to lock their gazes once more. “Have you even considered the fact that Jaemin might like you back?” 

“Believe or not, I have. But I just don’t think that’s the case. Is he extremely thoughtful and mindful of my needs and desires? Yes. But that’s just the thing: Jaemin is like that with _everyone_. He has that stupidly cute lovestruck expression on his face when he’s looking at the fucking Starbucks cashier, for crying out loud.”

“Does he also spoon the Starbucks cashier to sleep?” 

Renjun opens his mouth to retaliate, but nothing comes out. 

“I think deep down you know Jaemin has feelings for you and you’re just too scared to act,” Donghyuck decides, the smile of someone who just aced their exam forming on his lips.

“Do you really think I’m that much of a coward?”

“No. But I _do_ think your insecurities and anxiety are preventing you from acknowledging the simple fact that someone might have unconditional romantic feelings for you.” 

Renjun frowns. “That does sound a little hard to believe, yeah.”

Donghyuck puts a comforting hand on his knee. “I think you should confess.” 

Renjun makes a face. 

“Well don’t look _that_ delighted!” Donghyuck jokes, earning a laugh. “Just… think about it, okay?” There’s a reassuring smile on his face and Renjun feels grateful.

“Okay. I’ll think about it.”

\---

Winter break is over, which only means one thing for Renjun: finals. Well, actually, in light of recent development, it also means one other thing: more stress-relieving time with Jaemin. And while that may sound a little concerning, sometimes it’s less about the sex and the making out, and more about holding hands while watching a film, or spooning to sleep, because what do you know, cuddling also relieves stress! 

And Renjun even got it in his mind to confess, as spurred by last week’s conversation with Donghyuck and the dozen encouraging texts which soon followed. All in all, it seemed like a promising Tuesday when Renjun first stumbled into the university halls after oversleeping and missing his 9am. 

It’s lunch break now, which means getting kimchi stew with Jaemin at the on-campus cafeteria, as Donghyuck and the youngsters are yet to arrive for their respective first periods. 

_This is it,_ Renjun thinks as he spots Jaemin and Jeno on the other side of the hallway. _I’m gonna confess at lunch._

He’s just about to wave to Jaemin and beckon him over when Jeno spots him and whispers something in Jaemin’s ear, causing him to double over with laughter. Renjun breaks out in a cold sweat. He’s overreacting, surely. This doesn’t mean anything. 

But then Jeno says something again and it elicits the same reaction. Loud, hearty laughter, all the while looking into Renjun’s direction, and suddenly it’s like every cog in Renjun’s rational-thought-making machine springs out, leaving only a wave of unadulterated, maddening anxiety and panic in their wake. 

It stuns him, and his heart sinks to his stomach with the very tangible realisation that Jaemin is indeed only in it for the fun. For the thrill? Just to pass the time, maybe? Otherwise why else would he be laughing at Renjun and his stupid little obvious feelings? 

But it makes sense in the end, he decides. It was always Renjun asking for a kiss, always him who took it to the next level, pleading and batting his eyelashes like a desperate fool with no self control who knew full well he wouldn’t be able to get through the night without the warm comfort of his roommate’s touch. 

And it stings. Where the wild excitement of hope for the future used to sit just mere minutes ago, now sits the burden of a vision which slipped through his fingers, burning through his organs and reducing him to a shell of a person. 

Renjun’s throat closes up as Jaemin approaches him, panic coursing through his veins at an inhuman speed. 

“Injun-ah! Let’s go to lunch, shall we?” Jaemin asks with a grin that makes Renjun’s stomach turn.

He wants to say something, he wants to break out and ask for help, but there’s only so much one can do when their throat is on fire, lack of oxygen preventing the respiratory system from working like it’s supposed to. 

“Junnie? Is everything okay?” Jaemin’s face twists in concern and it drives a new wave of terror to Renjun’s heart, which is now battling to survive at 150 beats per minute. 

He takes a deep breath and the snowball hits him. 

“I don’t have feelings for you.” 

_Lie._

“What?” Jaemin asks, seemingly taken aback.

“I said I don’t have feelings for you. Romantic ones,” he lets out a deep sigh and lifts his head to look him in the eye. “The whole stress relieving deal… It was just that: stress-relieving. So don’t get any ideas.” 

Renjun thinks there’s sadness flashing in Jaemin’s eyes for a second, but then his face turns blank. Unreadable.

“Oh,” Jaemin lifts a hand to scratch at his head. “I guess we took it a bit too far, haven’t we?” he chuckles. “Sorry about that. It’s good you told me, though. I’ll make sure to stay out of your hair,” his lips curl into a small smile, and Renjun feels the dam breaking behind his eyes.

He wants to say something.

“I actually just remembered I have a thing to do after uni that I can probably get done right now,” Jaemin says.

He wants to fix it.

“So you can go ahead to lunch, don’t worry about me.”

He wants to tell the truth.

But Jaemin is already walking away. “I’ll see you at home, yeah?” he flashes another smile and turns the corner. 

Jaemin did not come home that night.

\---

“It’s been four days,” Renjun storms past Donghyuck just as he opens the door.

“Well. You’re not the pizza guy,” Donghyuck deadpans, closing the door behind them.

“It’s been four days and Jaemin hasn’t come home,” Renjun repeats, dropping his backpack next to the couch with a loud thud.

“So you’ve said. What’s with the backpack?” Donghyuck asks, carefully approaching him as he would an undomesticated animal.

“I’m spending the night.”

“Of course you are. What’s this about again?”

“I fucked up, Hyuck,” Renjun starts, already out of breath. “I fucked up and I think I lost him.”

“Okay, take a few deep breaths first. Let’s get you some water,” Donghyuck instructs, and Renjun follows him to the open kitchen, taking a seat on one of the bar stools. “Talk to me.”

“I panicked. I saw him laughing with Jeno and I just assumed it was about me and I panicked. I lied to him, Hyuck. I told him I don’t have feelings for him,” he explains and the burden constricting his airways subsides. 

“Oh, Junnie,” Donghyuck pulls him in a hug and Renjun allows himself to lean into it. “Have you been talking at all since then?”

“Not really. He’s been avoiding me at uni. It’s obvious he doesn’t wanna talk to me and I don’t… I don’t wanna force him, you know? I don’t wanna make him uncomfortable,” he pauses to take a deep breath just as the doorbell rings. “I don’t know what to do, Hyuck.” 

“Sorry, that must be the takeout, finally,” Donghyuck pulls away, heading for the foyer. “Well, what would you tell him if he listened?”

Renjun stares down at his lap. What would he tell the boy he’s been sharing an apartment with for more than a year now, and even bed as of late? The boy who’s been taking care of him, making him laugh when he’s down, making sure he eats his meals and sleeps enough? The boy who unknowingly became the biggest part of Renjun’s support system and the only person he would ever want to come back home to?

“I would tell him the truth,” Renjun replies after a beat of silence. “I would tell him I’m in love with him.” 

“Um, Junnie?” Donghyuck calls out, but Renjun barely hears it over the sound of his heart.

“I would tell him I’m sorry. I fucked up. I got scared and I ran away. I shouldn’t have let the deal go so far. I should have confessed earlier.” He chuckles to himself. “Hell, I should have probably confessed the minute I laid my eyes on him, since that’s exactly when I fell in love.” 

He keeps his gaze down, helplessly watching as a tear falls on his hands. He hears another distant call, but it’s too late to stop him now. 

“He’s just so _good_ , Hyuck. So fundamentally good. I don’t think he even realises how much joy he spreads by simply being himself. How much comfort, how much warmth and safety and just… God,” he lets out a heavy sigh. “There’s no one else. There’s no one else for me, Hyuck.” Another tear rolls down his cheek and he lifts a hand to wipe at it. “That’s what I would tell him.”

“Well. You kinda just did,” Donghyuck says with an awkward cough, and Renjun’s heart legitimately stops beating when he turns around in his stool.

Right across the breakfast bar stands a mildly astonished, gaping Jaemin, a pretty pink dust scattered across his cheeks. 

“Jaemin?!” 

“I came home and you weren’t there and your toothbrush was gone so I figured you were crashing here, but I saw these on your nightstand and didn’t know if you still needed them,” he blurts out, lifting a hand to reveal a small plastic bottle. Renjun’s anxiety pills. “Better safe than sorry.”

“Aww,” Donghyuck sighs, bringing a hand to his chest and earning two glares. “Sorry, I’ll leave you guys to it,” he says, retreating behind his bedroom door.

Renjun turns his attention back to Jaemin and his heart grows impossibly bigger at the sight of his red nose. 

“So I’m guessing you’ve heard all of that, huh.”

“Yup. Pretty hard to miss.” 

Renjun nods. He _is_ standing literally five feet away. 

“I love you too, you know,” Jaemin says, slowly stepping around the breakfast bar and coming to stand right in front of Renjun. 

“You do?”

“Of course I do. I’ve been in love with you for ages, Junnie,” Jaemin whispers. Renjun doesn’t doubt it for a second. It’s all right there, in his eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” Renjun repeats, jumping out of the stool, eyes desperately searching for forgiveness.

“Me too.”

“I should have confessed earlier.” His gaze travels across Jaemin’s face, landing on his lips.

“Me too.” A hand comes up to cup Renjun’s cheek. He melts into it. 

“I want to kiss you,” Renjun pleads and it results in a soft smile — his favourite Jaemin smile.

“Me too.”

There was always a special type of alarming sensation growing in Renjun’s chest when it came to kissing Jaemin — less like getting back your exam results and more like plummeting to the ground from a 200-story building. Always daunting with a side of thrilling, adrenaline coursing through his veins as Renjun faced the imminent future of being crushed to death by the weight of his feelings. Impending doom, for short. 

Yet as they press their lips together this once, arms circling around each other’s bodies as if trying to switch atoms, Renjun feels nothing of the sort. 

Instead, his stomach basks in warmth when Jaemin sighs into his mouth, his heart grows when Jaemin’s thumb strokes lightly against his cheek, his knees just about give in when Jaemin pulls away just a bit, because he couldn’t keep the giggles in anymore. 

The realisation comes as a gentle breeze this time, and really less as a realisation and more as a universal truth. A fact. Uncontested and able to withstand the test of time and space regardless of the reality: Jaemin is hopelessly, irretrievably in love with Renjun. 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!  
> kudos and comments are greatly appreciated :D  
> you can also come say hi on [twitter](https://twitter.com/yongtenz)!


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